strange doctors…

 

well, last night i had my port removed, which was a slightly horrifying experience that i definitely didn’t expect. originally, my doctors thought that the port might put pressure onto my mass (which obviously isn’t good) and that could cause my heart to fail – scary!!! i went to the er last night because i had the most intense stomach pain of my life. i know that pain and stomach aches are expected with this type of thing, but i have never felt anything like this, and in conjunction with my fever, i was seriously concerned that i had appendicitis that i’ve been ignoring. luckily, i don’t have appendicitis, but they did find out that my port (which has never been my friend) isn’t working very well and is putting severe pressure onto this mass, which hurts my heart, which somehow gave me stomach pain? doesn’t make sense to me, but most of this medical stuff doesn’t. it was kind of scary because i was awake but very, very drugged. so i saw the whole thing! seeing someone pull something out of your chest is a bit eerie. the picture is of my port before it was placed into me (way back).

and today i’m attempting to go to school for this group speech. i’m very drugged right now. ridiculous, and i’m not sure why i do this to myself?!

another thing that i have finally given into: chemo brain. i’ve had this attitude that it was all psychological and that i just wasn’t going to be affected by it. well, it has happened. i do okay with remembering how to do things, but have a hard time remembering formulas, dates, where things go on a map, etc. lucky me, that’s all i seem to do in school right now! i wish that i could be like “hey…..i have chemo brain so can i have a little cheat sheet where i write all the things i need to remember?” that would never happen and i’m so anti “pity party” that i can’t even imagine asking for it.

that is all.

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